what a valentine's day and it hasnt even started

soo the one person i have been stressing over for the past 8 months or so of my life finally hit me after almost of month of not speaking to me. at first i thought it was because he was hella busy, then it was like 2 weeks and he wsnt responding to anything.. no texts emails aims phone calls. nothing. & i swear ive lost sleep over the shit. dude's lifestyle has been one i still havent adjusted to even if we're just friends at this point in time,. he has soo many goals and is ambitious as hell. thats one dude who is def chasing his dream and catching up. i mean ive tried and tried to understand, to be patient, and me moving 2000 miles away from him hasnt helped the situation much either. you think rejection is tough? try wanting to be with someone and that person wanting to be with you but you cant be together? sure we can work at the long distance thing, but that shit is emotionally draining.. mentally draining. it consumes you. and im koo off doing that again. but i want him. im confused as fuck because there's no way i'd put my life on hold for a dude as i wouldnt expect a dude to put his life on hold for me. we're young as fuck and i would like to think that maybe later on it could work. when the hard work is done and there's actually time available. ive only been in love once, i havent gotten to being in love witht his one, or im probably in denial.. but i can admit i love him. got madd love for him.. we've been through a lot. we're both to blame for how things are.. but i cant help to put more of the blame on him. he put everything before me when i needed him to be there most. but its like how can i knock that? idk. pretty much im just stuck. ive never wanted anybody so much. and i know its because of how things used to be between us. i knew i could come to him for anything, he was there when i had any problems, pushed me to be better, let me know how much he was into me everyday, aim'd me when my away gave away the fact that i was mad or sad. i remember talking to my best friend one day when i was at work n i started crying because for the first time ever i felt validated by a boy. i felt wanted.. he got into my mind long before he ever touched my body and that says alot. my past with the opposite sex was a bitch up until the day i met him. no one else mattered.. but he came at a time where i was making major life changes. and no matter how much he supported me.. we let everything else get in the way of US. i know i hurt him when i hopped on that place and moved to chicago. i mean the shit hurt me too and it still does to this day. we're stuck in a masquerade.. back and forth shit. and ive probably said im done like 50349348934 times but here i am at 334am writing about him. and its only because i know that if i were back in the bay we'd off top be together. excuse my blabbing. i just needed to vent. and if he's reading this.. you're my motivation to excel out here, because here is the reason i lost you.. so imma make it worth the loss.